By Noël Hallé – Fabre museum1
My vision and purpose for all I do, is to create a beautiful community of like-minded women around the world who is the happy, peaceful heart of their home.
Mothers have a powerful influence on not just their children but the world. You’ve heard the saying which is the name of a poem is a poem by William Ross Wallace, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” This is so true. When us mothers, are the example of happiness and fulfillment, your children will enter the world with the confidence that they too can create a happy, peaceful in their world. When a mother models martyrdom and stress day in and day out her children views life negatively too. I am determined not to be that. I love learning about the power of women and womanhood and how we can create and mould our children’s future.
I enjoy learning from the great examples of upright virtuous women. I love and admire them. Even though, I am far from perfect but it is a passion of mine to keep refining myself so I can be the best mother for my children.
Mother Cornelia
Cornelia Cornelia Africana (c. 195 – c. 115 BC), was a virtuous woman who had the right life perspective. She had 12 children. 3 children survived childhood. Her daughter, when grown up, married well. Her two sons, who was known as the Gracchi brothers (Tiberius and Gaius Gracchus) became the most persuasive and effective reformers in Roman history.
It was written that in ancient Rome a group of women were, with vanity, showing their jewels one to another. If you notice in the picture (above), the other lady is adorned with pearls and riches but Mother Cornelia isn’t. History records that Cornelia was asked, “And where are your jewels?”
To which Cornelia responded, pointing to her sons, “These are my jewels.” Under her tutelage and love, the boys changed history for Rome. Forever more, when the Gracchi brothers are mentioned, their mother will always be praised also.
This story is not about the need to be praised. It is a reminder that our children (and other loved ones) are the jewels of our lives. If they are jewels, then we need to treasure and care for them. In my own way, this is how I strive to be create the peaceful heart in my home. I can only control me right so I focus on that. I want to share with you how we can (1) love them, (2) teach them, (3) respect them, and (4) pray with them and for them.
1. Love them
Because of the un-attachment, I noticed my children feeling safe to choose differently. Most of the time they see the logic and choose well. I tell my children the foreseeable results of the different options they may choose in life, according to my understanding and current level of wisdom. I let them know that they have the freedom to choose but not the freedom to change the natural consequences that will come from their choices.
For example, you touch fire, you will get burned. You can’t choose to touch fire and choose not to be burned but you are free to choose not to touch in the first place.
Whatever they choose though, I am still going to be happy and fully responsible to live my life. If they hurt and make bad choices I will feel empathy and mourn with them but it does not mean they are responsible for my peace and happiness. I never say, “You made me mad, sad, angry…” Blame is not taking responsibility for one’s choices even if provoked.
I try to be aware of the words I say and thoughts I think. My dad taught me that my words are ‘golden’ meaning I better hear what comes out of my mouth and not speak haphazardly.
There are degrees to love. To be more loving toward my children, I work on loving myself and realigning myself each day. The more respect and love I give to myself the easier it is me to give love and respect and in turn for my children to love and respect me back. I try to model self-love by taking my supplements, taking time out to exercise and sleep, using essentials oils for my health and wellness instead of toxic alternatives.
We give our children license to be successful when we are successful.
Essential oils for self-love:
Magnolia, Bergamot, Cassia, Geranium
2. Teach them
As a teacher most of my life, I am nearly always on teacher mode. I am mindful of teaching my children these things:
- They are loved and important children of God
- They are powerful and capable
- It is safe to make mistakes
- It is important to know you have the freedom and responsibility to choose
- I am not the one with all the answers
- Life skills
Because I am rearing future adults, I try to model everything. You know the saying, ‘they will do what you do, not what you say.’ I learned to teach by modeling from my elementary education training. I speak my thoughts aloud so my children can hear my thought process for critical thinking, life skills, cooking, budgeting, and being responsible for your choices etc.
Example #1 Dinner modeling, “What shall we have for dinner? Well we have chicken and vegetables. We could have chicken soup or chicken stir fry and have it with rice. What would be easier since we need to eat in an hour?”
Nowadays, my children take turns making dinner and they make amazing some concoctions with the available ingredients in the home.
Example #2 Shopping modeling, “I would love to buy that for you. It looks fun. Let see, we only budgeted $200 for this shopping trip. If we buy this and this then we will only have $50 left to go to the next store. What would be the best decision?”
I have never had tantrums in the store because I refused to buy something for my kids (knock on wood). When I model thinking, the children are sometimes more conservative than me when it comes to spending money. They don’t assume that we can just buy everything off the shelf. They tithe and budget their allowance very skillfully now. Wish I was like that at their age!
Many times when my children were little and barely able to speak, I told them that I’ve never been a mother before I had them. I am learning how to be a mother each day. I asked if they were ok if I didn’t know everything and if I made mistake? They of course said, ‘yes’. I read books about all sorts of self-helps and self-development, in front of them to let them know this is how I get answers and the value of reading.
I want my children to be free to make all the messes and mistakes while under my roof. When they make mistakes I let them and they are responsible to ‘clean it up’ with guidance of course. In turn, I share with them my mistakes and ask them for suggestions of resolutions. When they are safe to make small mistakes at home, they won’t need to make many big mistakes when they go out in the world. I see that they feel more confident the more safe to make mistakes and take risks.
When my oldest daughter was in 8th grade, she got her first ever C grade! She was stressed out by our family moving countries and adjusting the the US school system and making friends, so she got ill for a whole week which meant she missed a week of school. It as traumatic for her since she was use to breezing through school and getting straight A’s. I decided to celebrate her first ever C grade. She thought I was crazy. I told her that she didn’t need to be perfect all of the time. She was allowed to be ‘human’ sometimes too. I made sure that we learned the lessons that needed to be learned during this time. She didn’t need to be perfect to be happy. Life happens and people get sick. The ‘C’ didn’t make her a less valuable, less important or less loved or less worthy person.
If the children have disagreements or ‘fights’ (my kid’s fights lasts all of 10 mins, “mom, she called me poo poo head.” Then they are back playing and giggling.) I try to point out how they chose their reaction even though yes they were provoked.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl
Essential oils for learning:
Frankincense, Intune, Balance, Vetiver, Peppermint
3. Respect them
It drives me nuts when I see adults and even school teachers talk down to children, a kind of annoying ‘baby talk.’ There is no proper sentence structure just choppy, squeaky subject-verb-noun talk. “You go potty?” I guess the annoying part is the injustice I feel for the lack of respect they have for the child. Is that child a blank slate or is she/he an intelligent Child of God in a small body.
I like to take the position and belief that we are all equally important children of God. I assume that children have light, wisdom, knowledge, gifts, talents and a special purpose on Earth. I know there are many things that they can teach me. We can be partners on this Earthly journey.
This respect comes from the heart. We feel it from the belief and thought level. It isn’t necessarily what is said. I can simplify my language but I try to speak properly. It is best to model speaking properly and respectfully. “Emily, do you need to go to the toilet, now?”
My children were all read to when they were born and when they turned 3, they all naturally started reading on their own, although we love and kept our bedtime stories for many years and occasionally still read now even though they are teenager. Because of our respect for them, we didn’t limit what they books they chose. Sometimes the books were above their grade and reading levels but they loved and enjoyed their parents reading to them anyways.
The vocabulary that they used often shocked me. 2 year old Emily, “Mummy, I am frustrated with you.” Wow, that is so much better than a flipped out temper tantrum any day!
Their wisdom confounds me. Makayla at 4, “Mummy, you have two babies in there.” I didn’t even know I was carrying twins. Makayla at 10, “Mum, your grandfather likes gardening.” Wow! He died the year before and she barely knew him but she says, she sees him out in our garden a lot.
Essential oils for self-respect:
Pink Pepper, Black Pepper, Whisper
4. Pray with them and for them
I tell my children if I pass away suddenly and they remember only one thing from me, I would like them to know that they are important Children of God and that they need to follow the promptings of the spirit of God at all times. Then everything will be alright no matter what happens.
We are happy and at peace no matter what is happening in our lives when we are connected to God. Connecting to him starts with a prayer of faith. We pray together every day several times a day. In the morning we pray as a family before the family scatters to do our individual things. We pray during meals and in the evening after we read our scriptures. Our family prays in any time between too for any reason. My heart melts when I walk past the children’s room and see them kneeling besides their bed.
I am teaching many people Energy Healing and I make sure the most important people to learn these skills are my children. As they realign their physical body to God, they will be healthy. When they connect to God, they feel loved and that gives them confidence when they are with their peers. This stage is the typical time when children are insecure and unsure of themselves but the light within can give them guidance beyond my abilities and wisdom as their mother.
I joke and sometimes say, ‘I give you permission to disobey me if the spirit of God tells you different!’
Seriously, this takes the weight off my shoulders. I don’t feel like I need to have all the answers and strength to carry my kids through the rough and tough times that they maybe facing in the near future. What I have is sufficient but with God’s help, they will be exceptionally prepared for their future.
Essential oils for prayer and meditation:
Sandalwood, Frankincense, Immortelle/Salubelle
In Conclusion
I am so grateful for the teachings I have received from amazing women (and men), about being a good parent. I am grateful for my amazing children and I continue to try and create a peaceful loving spirit in my home.
I hope you can share with me more ideas and what you think of this topic.
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