Enabling vs. Giving

 

 

Like many, I love serving and helping others, however, sometimes I dislike that feeling of being overburdened, resentful, and drained by those I serve.  I don’t like that conflict and confusion of when to serve and when not to.  I’ve pondered over this a while and learned that there is a difference between being a true giver and an enabler.

We want to give to recipients who truly need our help and will truly benefit from our services.  I feel a sense of unity, connection, fulfillment, and joy when I serve these people because they receive my loving service and pure intentions.

There is a sense of separation and disconnection when we give to the wrong person.  They haven’t learned to receive with gratitude and joy so the service they get does not benefit them.  They don’t feel blessed and the giver feels like their efforts have been wasted.

A few times I was accused of being ‘overly inclusive’ and ‘seeing too much potential’ in people.  I considered this feedback and worked out that the problem was I didn’t differentiate who I was serving.  Another way of putting it is that I didn’t have healthy boundaries in place for this area.  I recognized that I often eagerly jumped at the opportunities to help anyone who presented me with a problem or drama.  When I do not recognize my heart’s sensations first, I sometimes end up being unfulfilled and disappointed after I have served.  These negative experiences sometimes discourages and angers me to the point of hiding from the world, wondering if I should even bother helping others anymore since I am only waste time on seemingly ungrateful selfish people.  I learned that the problem wasn’t them, necessarily.  It was me who attracted them.

I also learned that not only am I not helping, I am enabling them.  This means, I’ve not helped them become empowered.  They don’t know how to own their own power to choose and create.  These people are perfectly able to do things themselves but when other people do it for them, it often extends their pains and problem because they will inevitably recreate their problems again.  I’ve essentially robbed them of learning experiences and consequences that would benefit them in the future.  We unintentionally reinforce people’s insecurities by not believing in their ability to solve their own problems themselves.

Most people want to be of service to others.  I love to continue to learn how to love others at greater depth.  This has led me to learning how to discern better with my heart.   Knowing the difference allows us greater wisdom to know who to serve and who not to.  Know who we simply need to encourage so these people can receive their own reward from their accomplishments.  We can know by how our heart feels who are we inspired to collaborate with and help out.

It is so liberating now that I know what feelings to look for before I decide to serve.  If my heart starts to feel drained, unappreciated, disconnected, unbalanced, unequal, tension, and burdened I will immediately know that I must clarify my boundaries with those particular people.  I know that I need to allow the person to work out things on their own by showing them how and not doing it for them.  I need to offer them my confidence in them.  This especially applies to your children!

I know now to keep attracting relationships where we are both mutually feel energised as we give and receive well.  If feel appreciated, united, connected, fulfilled, respected, balanced, equal, joyful, and blessed when serving these people.  This is a sign that these are the people I am meant to serve.  The love energy won’t stop with them.  They will feel that love energy and will pass it onto the next person or even back to me.  In this way, we are all edified and the world is a better place.  The flow of love continues and cycles.

Let’s serve where we are inspired by God and not interfere in God’s refining business when we are not asked to participate.

 

Energy Balancing with Faith

If you are interested in self healing at the spiritual and emotional levels, I encourage you to take the Energy Balancing with Faith course.  This is an inspired course to help you hone your faith-filled personal development skills.  This is energy balancing using essential oils and other tools.  Release the subconscious self-imposed limitations.  Help yourself and others live an intentionally happier, healthier, and holier life.